Funny O

Walking O to his room to tuck him in tonight: "Mom, I don't know why my thumb is so good."

We're trying to kick the thumb sucking habit.  He's usually good about it but if he's really tired I'll catch him sucking.  He was doing it today while he was watching a little TV so I think that spurred the comment.  He's a funny one.  I want him to stay little and cute forever.

A storm's a-brewin....

I am a big ol' mix of emotions this morning.  The last few days I feel a little like "nesting."  You see, I have applied for a job that I'm fairly confident that I can obtain.  I haven't, however, been offered the job yet, but I can see it on the horizon.  For many years we've talked about me going back to work.  I did plan on waiting until all my littles were in 1st grade, or even just kindergarten for that matter.  We've jumped the gun slightly.  My hope was to get a job I could do from home.  I may have potential for that to occur, but don't think it will be that way in the beginning.  So I've been fighting the internal battle that is going on with giving my baby to be cared for by someone other than myself.  And it is killing me.  I know it is right and it is what needs to be done and honestly, I've wanted this, but man oh man....tough.  This morning I got the 3 older boys off to school and came back and let Porter devour a donut.  I went out and vacuumed my car while he ate and when I came back in I took him straight to the bath.  After I lotioned him up so he smelled all yummy, we were on the couch looking out front.  I had my head resting on the back of the couch and Porter came over and put his arm around me and rested his cheek against mine while he watched the world outside our window.  I lost it.  My sweet, sweet baby.  Is this what I'm going to be missing?  These quiet moments of just him and me?  We left the boys with Granna this weekend and Brandt and I went camping.  Porter was PISSED at me for leaving him.  So much so that when we came back he went first to Brandt and he's is a momma's boy.  I cannot even seem to grasp how hard this is going to be to drop him off.  I've heard many mom's talk about how they have just bawled after leaving their baby and I have been soooooo incredibly blessed that I have never had to do that.  A miracle really.  I just have those doubts that I am short-changing him or something that I didn't have to do that with his brothers.  I don't know.  A momma's insecurity maybe?  Regardless, I feel the waves crashing in and it is scary and exciting all in the same emotion.  I can do this.  I can do hard things.

Just another update

Holy Moly it is almost time to go back to school.  I'm sorta freaking out!  Today I spent a lot of time trying to get back into Blogger.  I couldn't remember my password and I couldn't figure out how to get back in. The email that is linked to my account is my old work email from 7 years ago and I don't have access to it anymore, surprise, surprise.  I finally got it situated and put more info on my account so it shouldn't happen again.  I am trying to get my feet under me still but I feel a little more traction.  The boys and I went to St. George for a week and then picked up Brandt and went to Bear Lake for almost a week.  Now I'm trying to just get my house back in order so I can function again.  Bad new is that I read while on vacay and now I just want to read, read, read.  That's why I haven't picked up a book in ages.  It's terrible!  Tomorrow I will try to actually document the two trips for memory's sake and include some photos.

Boys are crazy.  Dylan is losing teeth finally.  2 down, one more on it's way.  Charlie still hasn't lost any.  Porter is starting to walk.  He'll get a few steps down and then freak out and fall on his bum.  I just can't believe how big he is.  So heartbreaking but so exciting, too.  Oliver is pumped for kindergarten.  He is convinced Mrs. Lemmon is going to be his teacher but we don't find out until Friday.  He will be so sad if he is put in the other teacher's class.  Either way, it'll be good.  The three older boys have been playing a lot together.  Lots of legos and imagination play.  And lots of mess.  I just sent them to bed and they're all panicked cause there room is so messy and dad won't go in and give them a kiss if it's messy (he's off painting the Pease's house).  I'm so sick of harping on them and ending up cleaning their room myself so I've just stepped back.  They'll probably have to be stuck in their room to clean it tomorrow.  I have no room to talk.  My room was a disaster growing up and my craft room is awful, now.  On the to-do list.  Anyway, no news is good news I suppose.  I've had some things I've wanted record, but now I can't remember.  Imagine that.  Ha!  I'm getting senile in my old age....

What's new?

I think it's been about forever since I've updated. Many times I think about posting but when I have 2 spare seconds I feel guilty if it is spent here. Which is silly cause this is important. Way more important than scrolling Facebook but I guess it's easier. Another thing that deters me is that I'd rather type on a computer and I can't do that right now. I think it was like literally the day after my last post that we had another huge lightening storm. I had just gotten back home with the family and I was in the front room when the room lit up and there was a crack of thunder simultaneously. And the power was gone. I swear it hit right outside our house. My poor laptop was sadly charging and I wasnt using a surge protector. It died. And then a week later when my mom came home from her trip I borrowed her old computer. And I've killed that one, too! The wireless driver disappeared and the port to hook the Internet up the old fashioned way doesn't work. So here I sit (during the precious nap time) trying to type on the iPad. Sigh.

So I'm still crazy and over scheduled. I keep saying I don't want to be this way but I have a disease!! I can't stop! We were begged by Dylan's baseball coach to let him play on the All-Star team. I didn't necessarily mind the time commitment at the time, more so the cost, but all the begging broke us and we signed him up. We've been practicing about every other day and their first tournament is this weekend. 4 guaranteed games between Thursday night and Monday and more depending on how they do. I'm just not this die hard. My boy is 6!! What have I drifted into? D loves it tho and he's getting really good. I started tennis lessons for Dylan and Charlie this week. We have that ever morning for the next two weeks. In my defense I signed them up before we agreed to this baseball nonsense. The twins have REALLY been looking forward to it. D said it was fun and Charlie complained. What's new?  Oliver is playing playing playing. He loves to try and keep up with "bruders" and is good to play with Porty. Porter has been sick the last few days. He woke up crying this morning at 5am. Whaaaa??????  Not ok. I now feel like I need a nap now! He has 6 teeth and lots of personality. He loves me most which is so cute but sometimes it'd be nice to have a break. Brandt has been inundated with lots of requests for work. We've blown off a bunch and some are just falling by the wayside. Which is as pretty much ok since he's melting in the heat for 10 hours, 6 days a week for the post office and going out to the garage is the last thing he wants to do when he gets home. And his kids miss him.

But that's just a snippet of our crazy. I'm trying really hard to get in a routine and feel at peace but I'm struggling to get there. I really want to make this summer fun for my boys but it's exhausting. I wish I could be superwoman always. Eh, maybe one day. Today is not that day and I'd put my money on it that tomorrow isn't it either!! Haha!

Greener grass??

Remember last post?  Lovey dovey, gratitude for chance to be a mom.  Yeah.  Singing a new tune today.  Oh my word.  Started off being woken up by Charlie with a present I had bought for Oliver on sale awhile back.  He was snooping in my craft room and found it.  So that set the mood for my day.  I then made them a hot breakfast - which I rarely do.  Only Dylan would eat.  When I went into my craft room I noticed that my candy jar that I pull from for treats for their lunches was pretty empty.  I asked them if they've been eating candy and they (C & O) said yes.  So, I screamed at them for going in my room and told them I was throwing away ALL candy in our house.  I finished up lunches and took everyone to school.  Came home, put Porter down for a quick 1/2 hour nap, then had to wake him up to head back to O's preschool for fieldtrip day.  I walked with him to the park and they had lunch, played games, and played at the park.  It was fun to see Oliver and his little buddies.  He loves Luke, Makio, and Rowe.  They're his crew.  Then we walked back to our car and came home.  Then I scrambled around, vented to my dear friend, and then kids came home from school.  Helped a little with homework but then I had to teach a piano lesson.  Then I had to get the kids ready for a baseball game and find food for Porter.  The storm was rolling in but the game hadn't been called.  We got there, practiced a bit, started the game, and then there was lightening.  Game called.  So glad I was there for 15 minutes of play.  The rain came.  It dumped.  The sky was lit up.  It was crazy.  We came home and had a quick FHE, ate dinner, and put the kids to bed.  I am pooped.  What an emotional day.  I just am angry.  I don't know if it is hormonal or if it is a crazy mother of 4 thing.  Moments are good and sweet but lately I have been tried, especially by my Charlie.  He is a strong minded, always thinks he's right child.  Love him dearly but man he is hard to raise.  I definitely need patience with that one.  But, tomorrow is another day.  At the beginning of the year I wanted every single day to be great this year.  It was a fail today but I will try again in the morning.

I am a mom

Today I was vacuuming my living room. The 3 older boys were taking a nap and it was just Porter and me. As I was going around the couch Porter was pulling up on my legs and crawling right behind me, feeling his little fingers on me. In my mind I thought, "I am a mom." Nothing better. No greater honor.

Sick, sick, and more sick

I've been meaning to post this for probably a month now.  Ridiculous how nutso I am.  I have been slightly overwhelmed with....LIFE.  How crazy it is.  And honestly, I try really, really, really hard to keep my crapola together and limit our crazy but no matter how hard I try it sneaks up and bites me on the butt.  But alas, my problems are really small potatoes compared to lots of people so I really need to just shut my yapper.  But back to the topic at hand, sickness.  I believe that we have tried out every single bug, virus, and ailment to go around this year.  We had a long stretch of all my children and occasionally myself and Brandt having something awful.  For example...I remember like it was yesterday...

We signed the twins up for baseball.  Wood Cross High School was doing a clinic for the kids.  I was hesitant to sign the boys up cause 1. it's money and I'm cheap and 2. I have two kids and didn't want to double the fee since, again, I'm cheap.  My good friend is the all-knowing when it comes to baseball and asked her if it was worth it and she said yes and got me her "friend" discount so I did it and signed up.  It was a Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday thing.  The boys were pumped and I got them all ready and we went over.  Once it started the boys went and huddled up to listen to the coach and get instruction and then they were divided up by age.  Their group was told to stand in a line behind one of the high school players.  Dylan picked a line and Charlie picked another.  Charlie happened to pick a long line so one of the coaches told him and a couple other kids to go to another line that wasn't so long.  Charlie turned around and started walking toward me, past a coach who stopped to ask him what was wrong.  He got to me and told me he didn't feel so good.  I was thinking he was just nervous.  I squatted down as I had Porter in his carseat hanging off my arm, to try to and convince him to be brave and go play.  As I lowered myself down, Charlie puked.  All over me, all over Porter, all over the ground.  All the parents around me I'm sure were like, "take your sick kid outta here!" So, I walked away from the group, took C's shirt off to wipe up Porter a little bit, and let him finish puking.  I went and told D I had to leave and that I'd be back to get him.  A cute pregnant mom came over to me and asked me if I needed help.  It was a great reminder to help others.  So sweet of her.  I just said we were going to leave but thank you.  So I ran home and gave everyone showers and put them to bed.  I had Brandt pick up D from the ballpark.  I was still trying to convince myself that Charlie was just nervous and puked because of it.  Sunday was fine, stayed home with Charlie, and that night put the kiddies to bed.  When Oliver woke up he had puked during the night in his bed and didn't even know it.  So, I had to clean him up, got the other kids to school (charlie was feeling better), and went on with my day.  Then, about 2ish maybe, I was rocking Porter and all of a sudden, he puked all over me, my rocker, the floor.  It was awful.  Then, I had to bathe him, clean up the mess, and then it was time for the twins to come home from school.  I opened the door for them and Dylan was standing there and said, "mom, something is wrong with my eye."  Full on pink eye.  I seriously started laughing.  Are. You. Kidding. Me.  When it rains it pours I suppose. So then we were treating pink eye.  Kept Dylan home Tuesday.  Oliver was feeling better and had a fieldtrip Wednesday so I took him to school.  They went to the Treehouse Museum and apparently while there he puked. Fan-freaking-tastic.  I felt horrible that I sent him.  Ugh.  Then Charlie got pink eye.  Few days later Oliver got pink eye.  And a few days after that Porter got pink eye.  I think we're sorta feeling better these days.  Porter has been continually sick for a few months but he's getting teeth and I'm chalking it up to that.

But like I said, my problems are minimal compared to what it could be so I'll shampoo my puke-carpet and count my blessings.  I'm feeling guilty so I should be updating again more frequently.  I realized I hardly filled out Oliver's baby book but luckily I blogged a bit when I had him.  I need to be better cause time is flying.

Being a parent is hard...

Man it has been a rough little bit being a mom.  My oldest are 6 1/2 years old.  I never really thought that at 6 years old my kids would be so naughty.  When I sit here and think about things I don't know if they are truly naughty, or if my expectation of them is super high.  I feel like all I do is nag on them.  I'll step away occasionally (ok, give up) and let them "do it on their own," but always end up upset that they are making poor choices or not doing things the correct way.  For instance: after church yesterday it was just me and all 4 boys as Brandt had ward counsel and home teaching 4 families.  I came home, made boys lunch, cleaned up breakfast & lunch, cleaned up church stuff (ie bags, papers, etc).  The boys were arguing, pestering me, begging for more treats, and on and on.  Finally I hit my breaking point.  I came back with, "You know everything, I'm done worrying about you.  Do whatever you want.  Eat whatever you want.  Sleep whenever you want."  I then proceeded to finish cleaning up and took Porter downstairs to put him down for a nap.  Then I thought I'd take a nap, too.  I layed in my bed listening to chairs being pulled around the kitchen to reach tall shelves, wrappers being undone, chit-chatting.  Dylan came down a little later and layed in my bed, too, cause he said the boys were too loud for him to take a nap.  He is usually my best behaved child.  As I was lying there I became more and more upset.  I had to shut down my brain cause I was just getting all worked up about it.  I slept until about 4 then got up with Porter and started to make dinner.  A little before 5 Oliver decided that he should take a nap so that he could do surprises with dad.  I tried to explain that it was too late to nap.  He went into Charlie and Dylan's room and just went to sleep regardless.  When I asked C if he wanted dinner or if he was good he replied, "I'm good."  You should have seen the garbage can when I had finally gone upstairs. Full of crap.  No wonder he didn't want any dinner.  And to boot, I got mad at him and said you have to eat more than just garbage.  He lied to me and said he ate a banana, an apple, some cheese, an orange....as he was trailing off.  No residual from those items in the garbage so I know he was lying.  I didn't even go into that with him cause i was so mad.  AND I had told him to do whatever.  Then today he told me he got in trouble at school.  I won't go into that but he is currently in his room reading while his brothers and father went to the hockey game.  I also made him write an apology letter to his teacher.  He is terribly upset but I don't know what else to do to wrangle this boy.  He is SO strong willed.  He wants to know everything and thinks he does.  Deep down he wants to do good.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe he needs reward for his behavior, some sort of acknowledgement.  I can't figure it out.  I've known most of his life that he would be a tough one.  One that I would have to channel his energies into productive and positive activities.  But it's hard.  Guess he is one that I will just have to be on my knees a little bit more about.  I am grateful for that.  That I know that I can be guided in the right direction if I ask for help.  I'm grateful for supportive friends and family that when I call crying they say I'm doing the right thing and that I'm a good mom.  At least I have that.  In the meantime, though, I will be known as the meanest mom.  And that it's not fair...heard that about 400 times tonight.

He likes me! He really likes me!

Today I picked up Oliver from preschool.  When all the little kids come running around the house I will get out my car to cross the street to pick him up.  Today he came outta the garage with his little friend Makio and said to him, "That's my mom right there with the curly hair."  Like his friend cares but I thought it was cute that he was showing his friend who his mommy was.  I hope he always wants to show his friends who I am.  I hope that I can be their mom and also be close enough with them that they will come to me and not be embarrassed that I am their mom.  Make sense?  I just love these little boys that I get to raise.  It's dang hard and it's been really hard lately for me as I sense what is coming in the future and I just pray that I am guiding them so they will be smart and make good choices.  They are growing up so so so fast and I both love it and hate it.  Ugh.  I can do this, right?  Hope so since there's no "give backs" when it comes to these sweet babies sent to us from God.

By the way.  Porter just got his first two teeth!  AND he started swimming.  Not crawling, swimming.  Sort of an army-crawl of sorts but with flailing arms like a swimmer.  Such a big, smart, funny boy.

Baby food and other ramblings

So I'm a bit embarrassed that I haven't made my own baby food for my first 3 kids.  Had I realized how easy and quick it was I would have never invested so much moolah in Gerber.  Holy smokes, I spent like 3 dollars and have a TON of food.  For $3 I would have gotten, what, like 3 containers of Gerber food?!?  Needless to say, I have made peas, yams, and pears for my sweet, growing babe.  I have some carrots and beans to do up next.  I cooked everything to make it soft, pureed in the blender, and put in ice cube trays to freeze.  Then you pop them out and put them in a ziplock bag and you just remove however many cubes you need to microwave them.  Wah-lah!  Loving it!

Porter is beyond cute.  He has learned to push up and will push out and scoot himself backwards on his tummy.  His core is getting a little stronger but still does not like to sit on his own.  Too wiggly.  Our neighbor dropped off their little exersaucer and P loves it.  This is a pic from the first time he sat in it. 

He kept knocking his head on the little spin toy trying to get his face right next to the mirror.  Sooo cute.  He also adores his feet and LOVES to eat them.  

I have to quickly remove his socks if I feed him cause he takes a bite of food and likes to wash it down with this toes.  If I don't take off the socks I end up with colored toes on them.  He is a mello, sweet boy.  

His brothers just love him to pieces.  The other day Oliver was watching Curious George while I was making lunch or dinner or something.  I had left Porter downstairs with him playing on the ground.  When I went downstairs to get him this is what I found.  

Sometimes brothers gotta watch Curious George together.  He's also finally starting to coo more and more.  Brandt has said it is his favorite age when the baby will wake up in the morning and just talk to themselves.  Porter is there.  However, he also has his brother in there so I hear giggling a bunch of mornings.  Oliver will wake him up (and I get really grumpy about that) but then O will climb in his crib and play with him and he laughs and laughs.  I am really trying to be calm mother and let the kids be kids more and not harp on them as much so that there is happiness and playfulness abounding in our home.  I feel my children's childhood slipping away and it makes me weep.  It is such an inside struggle clinging to their "littleness" while anticipating the adventures and excitement of growing up.  Ah, being a parent is hard.  I have come to realize this more and more as the dynamic of our family is morphing into something new.  I wouldn't change it but it is definitely hard.

In response to my previous post, I am very proud of my Charlie for trying to correct his bad habit of saying some words that are not allowed in our home.  He let it slip the next morning and started to cry when I caught him because he wants so badly to be good.  We said a quick prayer before he went to school asking for help to remember to say only good words.  When he came home he was so proud that he hadn't said it and had used a more appropriate exclamation instead of the other word.  I too, am proud of him.  He really struggles with the perfection he wants to obtain.  He is wiser than his years.  He asks tough questions that I never thought I'd be addressing with a 6 year old.  He struggles being happy.  I assume it is because of him wanting to have everything be perfect, himself included.  It is tough for me as him mommy to teach him what it means to be happy.  Teach him to find joy in serving others.  Teach him to have patience in learning.  Teach him to be kind to others and brave to find friends that will love him for his quirkiness.  I am indeed grateful that he has Dylan.  I think it was planned all along for those two to come to earth together so that they could help one another.  They have other friends but they know that they always have that buddy there, too.  I'm so very happy about that.  I love when my boys are getting along and playing so well.  It warms my heart.  I have the best little boys around.  I gotta remember to enjoy them being little cause it is quickly slipping away. 

Please stay little...

Today Charlie was saying a bad word.  This is a day that I knew would come but dreaded.  I hate that my little birds are leaving the nest and learning things that I would rather them not learn.  Maybe he learned from TV?  Either way, no bueno.  I threatened soap and I think he's afraid.  That's my parenting method.  Instill the fear and hopefully they'll behave cause they think that my wrath is worse.  Ha!  Who ever thought that sweet, quiet Andrea would be scary?

On a positive note, Brandt had the day off.  Cousins came to play.  Dinner was brought to me.  It was beautiful out today with sunshine and like 40 degrees (so hot, right?).  Porter has been sleeping all through the night pretty regularly (and I know I just cursed it).  Lots to be grateful for.

Out with the old, and bring in NOTHING new

I am trying to purge around these parts.  I saw a great quote tonight that I thought was perfect.  It says:
Clean out your closets.
Clean out your mind.
Clean out your life.
You don't have to take it all with you in 2015.
If it doesn't serve you, let it go.

I have a room in my house, affectionately called my "crap room."  It houses my sewing machine, my fabric, books, ironing board, filing cabinets, yarn, printer and cartridges, and anything else that doesn't have a place anywhere else in my home.  It technically should be my "craft room," but it has morphed into the "crap room."  It has to go.  I'm sick of it.  Brandt can't stand it and I'm finally there, too.  I worked a little bit in there today and it feels good.  I only wish I had more time to spend on it.  Little bit here, little bit there is all I can do.  I'll eventually get there.

The boys today spent a good portion of their day outside sledding.  They've created two slides in our front yard, because why would you want to do it in our backyard.  Their slides take them down our whole lawn and they end up in the road.  I yelled at them to create a barricade so they won't slide into the road.  I helped them build one and then it pretty much turned into a jump...into the road.  I don't know.  I figure at least they're playing well together, outside, and haven't died yet.  I think tomorrow the rule is they have to fall off their sled at the sidewalk.  I don't want them run over.

Happy New Year! 2015

It is a new year and time for a new approach. I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I NEED to be a more frequent visitor to my little journal here.  I am going to try to find two seconds each night to record something each day.  Maybe a novel, maybe a quote from the littles.  I have made it through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years Eve.  I was lucky enough to host my families annual Christmas Eve party at our house.  We rotate through the children and it was our year.  Made some delicious brisket, cowboy potatoes, veggies, so good hot cocoa, cheesecake, etc.  It was a good night.  Christmas Day was snowy and magical.  My children are at the PERFECT age for the magic.  I am so blessed and so lucky.  Then last night I hosted, yet again, our annual New Years Eve fondue and fireworks party.  Was a great party, good food, fun company, etc.  I wasn't feeling 100% but today I feel a little better after a afternoon nap and a relaxing day with my family.  Last year I caught the flu after the party so I'm grateful that I'm feeling much better today.  I think the hustle and bustle of the holiday season leaves me a little weaker so I need to not try to be superwoman and conquer the world.

This year I am going to work on my balance.  Balance of my family, friends, church, children activities, hubby time, drea time, etc.  I also want to rid the guilt. I'm not going to feel guilty for other peoples expectations of myself.  I'm not going to feel guilty for not being able to do it all.  Between Brandt's and my obligations of our family with 4 small children, two large church callings, a large extended family, and work to provide for our needs we have felt spread too thin.  Hard to find happiness with that and we need to bring it back in and re-group.  What that looks like, not sure, but we will try to figure it out day by day.  It is the first day of a new year and I am going to try my darndest to have 365 days of really great days.  I'm off to a good start.  One great day down, 364 more to go.

On a side note, Brandt has taught Porter a new trick.  Oooohhh-ing.  Look at those lips.  I could just kiss them.