Monday, March 2, 2015

Being a parent is hard...

Man it has been a rough little bit being a mom.  My oldest are 6 1/2 years old.  I never really thought that at 6 years old my kids would be so naughty.  When I sit here and think about things I don't know if they are truly naughty, or if my expectation of them is super high.  I feel like all I do is nag on them.  I'll step away occasionally (ok, give up) and let them "do it on their own," but always end up upset that they are making poor choices or not doing things the correct way.  For instance: after church yesterday it was just me and all 4 boys as Brandt had ward counsel and home teaching 4 families.  I came home, made boys lunch, cleaned up breakfast & lunch, cleaned up church stuff (ie bags, papers, etc).  The boys were arguing, pestering me, begging for more treats, and on and on.  Finally I hit my breaking point.  I came back with, "You know everything, I'm done worrying about you.  Do whatever you want.  Eat whatever you want.  Sleep whenever you want."  I then proceeded to finish cleaning up and took Porter downstairs to put him down for a nap.  Then I thought I'd take a nap, too.  I layed in my bed listening to chairs being pulled around the kitchen to reach tall shelves, wrappers being undone, chit-chatting.  Dylan came down a little later and layed in my bed, too, cause he said the boys were too loud for him to take a nap.  He is usually my best behaved child.  As I was lying there I became more and more upset.  I had to shut down my brain cause I was just getting all worked up about it.  I slept until about 4 then got up with Porter and started to make dinner.  A little before 5 Oliver decided that he should take a nap so that he could do surprises with dad.  I tried to explain that it was too late to nap.  He went into Charlie and Dylan's room and just went to sleep regardless.  When I asked C if he wanted dinner or if he was good he replied, "I'm good."  You should have seen the garbage can when I had finally gone upstairs. Full of crap.  No wonder he didn't want any dinner.  And to boot, I got mad at him and said you have to eat more than just garbage.  He lied to me and said he ate a banana, an apple, some cheese, an he was trailing off.  No residual from those items in the garbage so I know he was lying.  I didn't even go into that with him cause i was so mad.  AND I had told him to do whatever.  Then today he told me he got in trouble at school.  I won't go into that but he is currently in his room reading while his brothers and father went to the hockey game.  I also made him write an apology letter to his teacher.  He is terribly upset but I don't know what else to do to wrangle this boy.  He is SO strong willed.  He wants to know everything and thinks he does.  Deep down he wants to do good.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe he needs reward for his behavior, some sort of acknowledgement.  I can't figure it out.  I've known most of his life that he would be a tough one.  One that I would have to channel his energies into productive and positive activities.  But it's hard.  Guess he is one that I will just have to be on my knees a little bit more about.  I am grateful for that.  That I know that I can be guided in the right direction if I ask for help.  I'm grateful for supportive friends and family that when I call crying they say I'm doing the right thing and that I'm a good mom.  At least I have that.  In the meantime, though, I will be known as the meanest mom.  And that it's not fair...heard that about 400 times tonight.

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