It's been one of those days...who are we kidding? It's been one of those months. I don't want to be all "debbie downer" on here, but man, oh man, it's been a rough go the past little while. I figure this is my journal so I can just write it out as it is. I just texted B that I feel as though I'm failing as a mother today. I'm sitting here at the kitchen table while dinner is finishing up in the oven and D, C, & O are all sitting around the table with me munching on Cheerios cause they can't wait for dinner.
I feel myself drowning sometimes. I get so bombarded with little ones that I turn into a 3 year old, too. It is a battle each day to be the grownup, the patient one, the teacher, the playmate, and the mommy. I tell myself that if I can just get myself together I'll be a much better mom & wife. But the struggle is to find what "together" is. Is it a tidier home? Is it exercise? Is it a shower and actually doing my hair and make-up? Is it time away from my Groundhog Day of a life I live? Life is all about balance and I need to figure out MY balance. I know for every person, every mommy, it's a little different.
We're all of a sudden struggling big time with the whole potty thing. We were so good at going in the potty, even at night, and then we went to Bear Lake and it hasn't been the same since. I'm usually changing at least one of the boys each night and there are sporatic accidents during the day. I refuse to do pull-ups at this point. I don't want to incur the cost. It just seems silly to me since I know they're capable of not wetting themselves. I need to print out another sticker chart I suppose and see if that maybe will solve the issue along with being stricter about no drinking after maybe 6 or so. It's so hard not to get mad at them for going in their underwear. Ergh.
And whining...when did we start whining?!? All.The.Time!!! I cannot stand it.
And no sleeping?!? I know that's why they're whining. How do you make your kiddies sleep in a little longer to get their MUCH needed sleep? With the two of them in the same room, one gets up and up goes the other one, too. So frusterating.
One day maybe I'll have the answers. I hope so. Or at least the endurance to make it to the point where they've passed the terrible threes.
ps-no comments regarding my mothering skills please. I'm not fishing for compliments or anything. Just a vent session. xo
2 comments:
Dre,
I think I know how you feel. I know I only have one, and compared with your three, it should be easy right? I struggle every day with guilt. Guilt that I am not fun enough, teaching enough, entertaining enough, working around the house enough, even pretty enough for when my husband gets home. I struggle with balancing everything too. I appreciate that I am not alone when I hear you talk about this. It is really hard sometimes to be the mom, and I as well as you would not trade it for ANYTHING in this world. We are special creatures designed by god to do this mothering work and I have to remind myself of that quite often. I also have to remind myself that I am not capable of perfection so all I can do is my best. One day this will easier physically and harder in other ways. Thank goodness we have their little faces, smiles and laughs to get us through our "tired" times. I love you D, and your family too. We as mothers are in this together and have one another to at least understand what it is like to be the mom.
I have no idea how you do it. Twins would be so hard. My friend's sister-in-law has two sets of twins and they are all still little. She might be a great person to email and talk to. Maybe not. Her blog is
www.wildnprecious.com
love you xo
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