Monday, March 28, 2011

Death & Regret

This past Saturday we went to the funeral of our dear family friend. She was a wonderful woman whom my mother sort of adopted into our family. She's taken on the title of "Auntie Linda" and always was around for major holidays and family events. She s.p.o.i.l.e.d our kids and loved them as if they were her own. She went pretty suddenly, and unexpectedly and because of that I do have one small regret. It's nothing big, but it is lingering in the back of my mind. For Valentine's Day she went in with my mom and gave my twinners backpacks with a little car inside. I spaced that they were from Linda, too, so when I saw her the last time, I didn't tell her thank you. After I had left she asked my mom if the twins liked the bags and my mom told her they did. I had taken pictures of the twins with their backpacks on and had the intent of sending her a thank you in the mail with the pictures. Time got away from me and I never got it done. I know she knew we were grateful but it was a little thing that I knew would mean a lot to her.

My grandma died when I was in high school. I was probably 16 or 17 years old. Everytime I went to visit her she liked me to play the piano for her. Because I was 16 and had my car, I would visit occasionally. Prior to her dying, I had the intention of stopping by one day and playing for her. She died before I got around to it. I still feel bad that I never got over to her house and was too caught up in being a teenager.

I know that everyone dies. I know that those that I love know I love them. I think it is the little bit of perfection in myself that makes me have these moments of doubt and insecurity sneak in and make me feel bad for not doing enough. I need to do two things. 1. I need to not procrastinate those things that I want to do and just get it done and 2. I need to be a little kinder to myself and be happy with just doing the best I can. That's all we can do, the best we can.

I'm grateful the last few weeks I've had to reflect on this subject. I am grateful that I know the plan of my Heavenly Father and that not only I, but everyone, can return to live with him again. I love that I know that we will see our loved ones again after they've passed from this life. I love that I know that there is happiness for those that leave and perhaps even better circumstances ahead. I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me these truths and for a husband that also shares my same beliefs. How blessed I am that I know this with my whole being. How blessed I am that I have such wonderful people around me. There should be no saddness and regret. I have things pretty good and I need to remember that. Even when it's easier to just cry and feel sorry for myself. Things are good.

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