Deep Thoughts by Drea

Brandt and I went out last night and saw two legends play together. What a great show! As we were sitting in Kingsbury Hall enjoying these two old men sing and play their guitars I actually let my mind go. It occured to me that my mind has a million thoughts, great thoughts, that go through it each day and because I'm so busy running, caging, screaming, preparing, wiping, cleaning, organizing, screaming, playing, corraling, screaming, and working my thoughts aren't even clear to myself! It was truly nice to just sit, enjoy the ambiance, hold my man's hand, and relax. I don't do that anymore. There is WAY too much to do all the freakin' time.

Merle wrote a song about age. In it he talked about how youth is wasted on the youth and he would love to be 30 again. I am 30. It brought tears to my eyes because I had an "ah-ha" moment that I need to relish in these times. I mean really enjoy it and be aware of it. Not rushing. Not screaming. Not stressing. I am not old. I feel old sometimes and in another 30 years I don't want to think this time was wasted. The past few years have been such a blur that I need to take a deep breath, a step back, and truck along being aware. Aware of each special tender moment in my life. And to add to it, I need to record more of those moments since I know that those memories drift away as the years go by.

On a different note, I've canned 10 quarts of pears, 7 quarts of applesauce, and have a half a box still left of my pears. I'm trying to get the drive to do another batch of pears but I'm not doing too well with the motivation! Maybe I'll straighten up, or take a short nap, or crochet for a minute and then go for round two. Such beautiful weather right now. I love fall. I love football season. I love my 4 boys.

Reflection

There are moments throughout each day that I think "I need to write this down" and then there is never time to do it. So, today here are just a couple things I need to record.

1. Oliver loves balls. It's pretty much the only word he says (ba) and he chases any ball around the house like a kitten. Before I put him in his crib for his pm nap we played and played in the living room with a basketball. He gets so excited, and giggles, and squirms all around trying to get the ball, throw the ball, and hug the ball. It is adorable.

2. I attempted storytime at the library this morning. We failed miserably. The boys lasted about a total of 2 minutes before we had to go pee. Once in the bathroom they were "fine." And then back to the room, followed by Charlie pulling keys out of my bag and trying to lock the door and Dylan playing with his fake cell phone he snuck into the library. We left. I told them they were naughty and we had to go home. They asked if Oliver was naughty and I said no. So while we were driving home Charlie was telling Dylan that they both were naughty but Oliver wasn't. It was hilarious.

3. Last night as Brandt and I were lying in bed he was telling me that while I was helping Charlie go to the bathroom before bed he was in talking with Dylan. Dylan pointed to B's nose and said "nose" and then pointed to his nose, then his elephant's nose, then Charlie's bear's nose. They then moved on to tails and then to feet. Dylan pulled one of his feet out and said "foot" and then pulled out his other foot and said "more foots." Cutie.

4. I sat in my kitchen this afternoon and fed O his applesauce while he was crawling around. The twins came in, too, and sat down and we all played and they crawled all over me. I had a moment. I really am so lucky to be able to sit there with my own children and watch them. There are so many who don't get to do that and I don't know that I'll be able to forever. I need to let those moments soak in so the other times when I'm losing my sanity I can reflect back to those thoughts.

Tomatoes & Apples

Guess what I did today?!? I canned. That's right. Canned. All by myself. Self-taught, never had a lesson...ok, not completely true. I've been around canning but never really paid much attention. So I sorta had an idea of what took place. A nice woman in my neighborhood shared her tomatoes with me since my FIVE tomato plants have produced a whopping 2 tomatoes and I canned them up today. Not a ton, but I got 5 bottles out of it and had only one hiccup where 2 of my bottles didn't seal so I'm re-processing those right now. So I feel like Suzy Homemaker, so proud. Not as intimidated anymore with the whole canning monster. And guess what this is? An apple off my tree. The secret is now out that I have never just eaten an apple off my tree. I've picked up a ba-zillion off the ground but never partook. I've been told by many how good my apples are and I must say...they are quite tasty. Got lots up my sleeve to do with those. Apple Butter, Applesauce, Apple Crisp....mmmmmmmmm.....

Give.Me.Strength.

It's been one of those days...who are we kidding? It's been one of those months. I don't want to be all "debbie downer" on here, but man, oh man, it's been a rough go the past little while. I figure this is my journal so I can just write it out as it is. I just texted B that I feel as though I'm failing as a mother today. I'm sitting here at the kitchen table while dinner is finishing up in the oven and D, C, & O are all sitting around the table with me munching on Cheerios cause they can't wait for dinner.

I feel myself drowning sometimes. I get so bombarded with little ones that I turn into a 3 year old, too. It is a battle each day to be the grownup, the patient one, the teacher, the playmate, and the mommy. I tell myself that if I can just get myself together I'll be a much better mom & wife. But the struggle is to find what "together" is. Is it a tidier home? Is it exercise? Is it a shower and actually doing my hair and make-up? Is it time away from my Groundhog Day of a life I live? Life is all about balance and I need to figure out MY balance. I know for every person, every mommy, it's a little different.

We're all of a sudden struggling big time with the whole potty thing. We were so good at going in the potty, even at night, and then we went to Bear Lake and it hasn't been the same since. I'm usually changing at least one of the boys each night and there are sporatic accidents during the day. I refuse to do pull-ups at this point. I don't want to incur the cost. It just seems silly to me since I know they're capable of not wetting themselves. I need to print out another sticker chart I suppose and see if that maybe will solve the issue along with being stricter about no drinking after maybe 6 or so. It's so hard not to get mad at them for going in their underwear. Ergh.

And whining...when did we start whining?!? All.The.Time!!! I cannot stand it.

And no sleeping?!? I know that's why they're whining. How do you make your kiddies sleep in a little longer to get their MUCH needed sleep? With the two of them in the same room, one gets up and up goes the other one, too. So frusterating.

One day maybe I'll have the answers. I hope so. Or at least the endurance to make it to the point where they've passed the terrible threes.

ps-no comments regarding my mothering skills please. I'm not fishing for compliments or anything. Just a vent session. xo

Family Pictures

The more kids we have the harder it is to have family pictures cause I hate figuring out what to wear. Am I not a girl, or what?? A little over a month ago we had pictures done. The main purpose was to get 3 year old pictures of the twins and 1 year old pictures of O, and as long as we were taking their pictures we figured we'd throw in a few of mom & dad, too. I think they turned out pretty cute. We're always our own harshest critic. I cannot believe I have little boys. Not babies, little boys. They try me every single day and it's tough but in the same breath so rewarding. They're all getting so very smart and they're so funny. Not to mention, so very cute!! Their individual pictures are to the side. And probably my favorite...

officially FREAKING out!

I've lost it. I've lost my coupon binder. I cannot find it anywhere. I've been looking for the last few days and it has not shown up. I can't imagine me leaving it in a cart of something at the store but I swear I've looked high and low in my house. I keep telling myself that I put it somewhere "where I won't forget" and then forgot and it will just show up and I'll say "oh, yeah...that's where I put it" but my faith is diminishing. So sad. How do you lose your coupon binder?!? Maybe I should've been using more of them. And to boot, I lose it right after all the back to school sales where I could have bought a new one at a discount. Timing. Boy do I have it!

I'm in the living room right now and the boys are supposed to be napping. Charlie is singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU" to his brother. Those kids are hilarious! And Go Utes! That's it.