Birthday??

Tomorrow I'm officially mid-thirties. Not sure how I've gotten this old. I love the wisdom I have because I am SO old but then again I'm SO old. A little surreal. Everything is good right now. I was super sick last week and just have the lingering bit of a cold hanging on. Kids are cute and crazy. I'll try and do a real post in the next day or so. Happy birthday to me!

Another New Year

2016.  Cannot even believe it.  Coming off of a very, very busy and jam-packed holiday season I have been pondering and I want to record my gratitude each day.  Whether or not it makes it past a day, a week, month, etc. we'll have to see but I'm starting it here.  Today while the idea has been rolling around in my brain I have had multiple ideas come to me about what I'd write about and now that I have one second to jot something down I am a little blank.  Today we started off by SLEEPING IN! We hosted our annual Fireworks and Fondue New Year's Eve party and it is a lot of work.  Pile on that my hubby has been pretty much MIA since we got back from Disneyland at the beginning of December, and it is even harder to pull off.  I am just tired I think.  Anyway, that aside, our party was fun but I was up to 2 with my nieces and nephew waiting for their ride.  This old lady isn't used to that.  Then this morning we had to finish putting everything away and cleaned up and then Brandt made "daddy breakfast" for the boys.  Big and hearty.  So we had breakfast for lunch and then this afternoon we went sledding as a family and a neighbor family came, too. 

It was a BEAUTIFUL day.  Perfect skiing weather.  Snows in the mountains, skies are blue, and the sun was shining strong.  Then we came home, made dinner, boys are all showered, ready for bed, and watching a movie.  So, being that today was all about our little family unit, I just wanted to reflect on my people and how much I love them.  They are my reason for being.  It is hard and trying for me to be a mom.  I am trying my hardest to do a good job and I know I fall short quite a bit but they bring me great joy.  Its crazy how they can make you your happiest self and on the flip-side, your very worst side.  Yesterday as I finally had enough with the boys and their unwillingness to help me prepare the house for 25 guests, I grabbed their toys and took them away and told them to take a nap.  Thru tears Charlie told me that I am the meanest mom and that as soon as he woke up he was packing his things and leaving.  I'm glad that when he was done napping he was happy to see me and things were good.  I'm also glad that my hubby told me that I was a good mom and wife and that he'd help Charlie pack his bags.  I'm lucky to have such support and such loving children.  Lots of times I need to take a step back, breathe, and remember that they are my everything and nothing else matters.  I don't need to be worked up over insignificant people or things.  That's about it for now.  xo

Funny O

Walking O to his room to tuck him in tonight: "Mom, I don't know why my thumb is so good."

We're trying to kick the thumb sucking habit.  He's usually good about it but if he's really tired I'll catch him sucking.  He was doing it today while he was watching a little TV so I think that spurred the comment.  He's a funny one.  I want him to stay little and cute forever.

A storm's a-brewin....

I am a big ol' mix of emotions this morning.  The last few days I feel a little like "nesting."  You see, I have applied for a job that I'm fairly confident that I can obtain.  I haven't, however, been offered the job yet, but I can see it on the horizon.  For many years we've talked about me going back to work.  I did plan on waiting until all my littles were in 1st grade, or even just kindergarten for that matter.  We've jumped the gun slightly.  My hope was to get a job I could do from home.  I may have potential for that to occur, but don't think it will be that way in the beginning.  So I've been fighting the internal battle that is going on with giving my baby to be cared for by someone other than myself.  And it is killing me.  I know it is right and it is what needs to be done and honestly, I've wanted this, but man oh man....tough.  This morning I got the 3 older boys off to school and came back and let Porter devour a donut.  I went out and vacuumed my car while he ate and when I came back in I took him straight to the bath.  After I lotioned him up so he smelled all yummy, we were on the couch looking out front.  I had my head resting on the back of the couch and Porter came over and put his arm around me and rested his cheek against mine while he watched the world outside our window.  I lost it.  My sweet, sweet baby.  Is this what I'm going to be missing?  These quiet moments of just him and me?  We left the boys with Granna this weekend and Brandt and I went camping.  Porter was PISSED at me for leaving him.  So much so that when we came back he went first to Brandt and he's is a momma's boy.  I cannot even seem to grasp how hard this is going to be to drop him off.  I've heard many mom's talk about how they have just bawled after leaving their baby and I have been soooooo incredibly blessed that I have never had to do that.  A miracle really.  I just have those doubts that I am short-changing him or something that I didn't have to do that with his brothers.  I don't know.  A momma's insecurity maybe?  Regardless, I feel the waves crashing in and it is scary and exciting all in the same emotion.  I can do this.  I can do hard things.

Just another update

Holy Moly it is almost time to go back to school.  I'm sorta freaking out!  Today I spent a lot of time trying to get back into Blogger.  I couldn't remember my password and I couldn't figure out how to get back in. The email that is linked to my account is my old work email from 7 years ago and I don't have access to it anymore, surprise, surprise.  I finally got it situated and put more info on my account so it shouldn't happen again.  I am trying to get my feet under me still but I feel a little more traction.  The boys and I went to St. George for a week and then picked up Brandt and went to Bear Lake for almost a week.  Now I'm trying to just get my house back in order so I can function again.  Bad new is that I read while on vacay and now I just want to read, read, read.  That's why I haven't picked up a book in ages.  It's terrible!  Tomorrow I will try to actually document the two trips for memory's sake and include some photos.

Boys are crazy.  Dylan is losing teeth finally.  2 down, one more on it's way.  Charlie still hasn't lost any.  Porter is starting to walk.  He'll get a few steps down and then freak out and fall on his bum.  I just can't believe how big he is.  So heartbreaking but so exciting, too.  Oliver is pumped for kindergarten.  He is convinced Mrs. Lemmon is going to be his teacher but we don't find out until Friday.  He will be so sad if he is put in the other teacher's class.  Either way, it'll be good.  The three older boys have been playing a lot together.  Lots of legos and imagination play.  And lots of mess.  I just sent them to bed and they're all panicked cause there room is so messy and dad won't go in and give them a kiss if it's messy (he's off painting the Pease's house).  I'm so sick of harping on them and ending up cleaning their room myself so I've just stepped back.  They'll probably have to be stuck in their room to clean it tomorrow.  I have no room to talk.  My room was a disaster growing up and my craft room is awful, now.  On the to-do list.  Anyway, no news is good news I suppose.  I've had some things I've wanted record, but now I can't remember.  Imagine that.  Ha!  I'm getting senile in my old age....

What's new?

I think it's been about forever since I've updated. Many times I think about posting but when I have 2 spare seconds I feel guilty if it is spent here. Which is silly cause this is important. Way more important than scrolling Facebook but I guess it's easier. Another thing that deters me is that I'd rather type on a computer and I can't do that right now. I think it was like literally the day after my last post that we had another huge lightening storm. I had just gotten back home with the family and I was in the front room when the room lit up and there was a crack of thunder simultaneously. And the power was gone. I swear it hit right outside our house. My poor laptop was sadly charging and I wasnt using a surge protector. It died. And then a week later when my mom came home from her trip I borrowed her old computer. And I've killed that one, too! The wireless driver disappeared and the port to hook the Internet up the old fashioned way doesn't work. So here I sit (during the precious nap time) trying to type on the iPad. Sigh.

So I'm still crazy and over scheduled. I keep saying I don't want to be this way but I have a disease!! I can't stop! We were begged by Dylan's baseball coach to let him play on the All-Star team. I didn't necessarily mind the time commitment at the time, more so the cost, but all the begging broke us and we signed him up. We've been practicing about every other day and their first tournament is this weekend. 4 guaranteed games between Thursday night and Monday and more depending on how they do. I'm just not this die hard. My boy is 6!! What have I drifted into? D loves it tho and he's getting really good. I started tennis lessons for Dylan and Charlie this week. We have that ever morning for the next two weeks. In my defense I signed them up before we agreed to this baseball nonsense. The twins have REALLY been looking forward to it. D said it was fun and Charlie complained. What's new?  Oliver is playing playing playing. He loves to try and keep up with "bruders" and is good to play with Porty. Porter has been sick the last few days. He woke up crying this morning at 5am. Whaaaa??????  Not ok. I now feel like I need a nap now! He has 6 teeth and lots of personality. He loves me most which is so cute but sometimes it'd be nice to have a break. Brandt has been inundated with lots of requests for work. We've blown off a bunch and some are just falling by the wayside. Which is as pretty much ok since he's melting in the heat for 10 hours, 6 days a week for the post office and going out to the garage is the last thing he wants to do when he gets home. And his kids miss him.

But that's just a snippet of our crazy. I'm trying really hard to get in a routine and feel at peace but I'm struggling to get there. I really want to make this summer fun for my boys but it's exhausting. I wish I could be superwoman always. Eh, maybe one day. Today is not that day and I'd put my money on it that tomorrow isn't it either!! Haha!

Greener grass??

Remember last post?  Lovey dovey, gratitude for chance to be a mom.  Yeah.  Singing a new tune today.  Oh my word.  Started off being woken up by Charlie with a present I had bought for Oliver on sale awhile back.  He was snooping in my craft room and found it.  So that set the mood for my day.  I then made them a hot breakfast - which I rarely do.  Only Dylan would eat.  When I went into my craft room I noticed that my candy jar that I pull from for treats for their lunches was pretty empty.  I asked them if they've been eating candy and they (C & O) said yes.  So, I screamed at them for going in my room and told them I was throwing away ALL candy in our house.  I finished up lunches and took everyone to school.  Came home, put Porter down for a quick 1/2 hour nap, then had to wake him up to head back to O's preschool for fieldtrip day.  I walked with him to the park and they had lunch, played games, and played at the park.  It was fun to see Oliver and his little buddies.  He loves Luke, Makio, and Rowe.  They're his crew.  Then we walked back to our car and came home.  Then I scrambled around, vented to my dear friend, and then kids came home from school.  Helped a little with homework but then I had to teach a piano lesson.  Then I had to get the kids ready for a baseball game and find food for Porter.  The storm was rolling in but the game hadn't been called.  We got there, practiced a bit, started the game, and then there was lightening.  Game called.  So glad I was there for 15 minutes of play.  The rain came.  It dumped.  The sky was lit up.  It was crazy.  We came home and had a quick FHE, ate dinner, and put the kids to bed.  I am pooped.  What an emotional day.  I just am angry.  I don't know if it is hormonal or if it is a crazy mother of 4 thing.  Moments are good and sweet but lately I have been tried, especially by my Charlie.  He is a strong minded, always thinks he's right child.  Love him dearly but man he is hard to raise.  I definitely need patience with that one.  But, tomorrow is another day.  At the beginning of the year I wanted every single day to be great this year.  It was a fail today but I will try again in the morning.